So Ive been gone quite awhile and thought I should update this since Im back now.



I admire it.  I want to become it.  It consumes my thoughts and emotions like a blackhole in space.  It eludes me.  it eludes me...
Yeah so after all that I finally get to the point of what I'm talking about.  To tell you the truth it is not that easy for me to put into words, since this... whatever this is... seems so very far away, yet not out of reach.  It plays this game with my head over and over daily.  It speaks through my friends at times as well.  
For example, my friend Racheal was talking to me about something she had seen during her stay in the Bahamas, when suddenly her words dissipated on contact with whatever it was that was speaking to me.  A barrier against my friend, and it almost felt as if sounds (if I can call it that?) were beginning to form into words into my head...  then everything blanked and she was running her mouth about me never listening to her.

If I could spend a day with this... whatever maybe then I could get the answers I need.  Until then I'm content with the games it plays with my head and I'm tuned in fully for whatever.